I recently read the most chilling description of a wasted life: "I see now that I spent most of my life doing neither what I ought nor what I liked."
The narrator recounts time misspent. Not lost in a good book but distracted by a column of ads. Not spent in a lively conversation with good friends but on boring topics with insufferable neighbors. "Not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind... in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that [one] does not like" (C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters).
There was a lack of intention. A life on autopilot. Meaningless routines. Moments that could've been. Finally, regrets on the deathbed.
Let's revisit the opening statement. To do what one ought, and to do what one likes. We can map these on a 2x2 matrix.
1. There are things I both like to do and should do. These activities make me feel alive. For there is purpose and congruence in my actions. At night I can say that the day was well spent.
2. There are things I don't like to do but should do. Performing daily chores, carrying out certain obligations, being the bigger person when wronged. I have a clear north star to follow.
3. There are things I like to do but should not do. These may or may not involve a moral component. Sometimes they're a matter of taste. Either way, the key is to exercise self-restraint.
4. Then there are things I neither like to do nor should do. The rational person would avoid these altogether. I wish I could say this is foreign to me. Yet here are two ready examples:
- I should go to sleep. I'd like to watch a movie. Sometimes I end up scrolling through titles indecisively and enjoying neither.
- I should do work around the house. I'd like to go out instead. Sometimes I end up wasting the day and accomplishing neither.
With enough of these unintended moments strung together, life becomes a miserable blur.
Here's the thing:
How we frame our time determines our happiness. Life satisfaction is in choosing to be present, relishing the moments that become anchors in our memories. With intentionality, we experience the fullness of our emotions, the richness of our senses, the epitome of what it means to be human.
But if we're not deliberate with our time - if we do neither what we ought nor what we like - that nothingness will creep into the other quadrants. It's not merely wasting time. It's a gravitational pull toward meaninglessness, a dulling of the senses, an erosion of the will, a zombielike existence.
Ask yourself: What gives you life? What saps it away? Where do you need to be more intentional?
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Note to current subscribers: Over the past 7 months, I’ve published 30 posts here. These will remain as a resource for anyone seeking to live with intentionality. In practicing what I preach, I am reallocating some of my time to other pursuits, such as starting a newsletter on health technology and startups. Wisdom & Wonderings will transition to a monthly cadence. Thank you for your continued support.